Would you believe I first learned about sex in the third grade? That means I was about eight years of age. My classmates were chatting one day, and I just so happened to invite myself to their conversation. They said they saw grown-ups ‘doing it’ on tv and were shocked that I didn’t know what sex was. That day after school, I went home to my family (the children and pre-teens I trusted) to ask what this exciting thing called sex was. I remember them laughing at me and saying they would show me. Low and behold, my classmates were right. My family told me to pay attention to certain scenes of “One Life to Live” and other television shows the adults watched. My next inquiry was how can I do that and when it would be appropriate to ‘do it’ with someone I liked.
I never learned about the birds and the bees. I never had a conversation about boys with my parents or anyone I looked up to when I was a child. The advice given to me was to stay away from boys. I wasn’t even allowed to have boyfriends. When I got one though, I kept it private. When I learned to please myself… you know, masturbate, I kept it private. When I finally had sex with someone, I kept it private. Sex seemed to be something kids were hot about and adults deemed as wrong though they really never expressed why until high school, but it was too late by that age. I mean it was too late because we had already done our research on sex. We watched shows that had sex, we learned what porn was, we were able to access free adult movies online, and some of us were reading ZANE books.
Adults often preach, “no sex is the safest sex.” I like to say that sex with self is safest. There is no need to worry about another person’s sexual history, current encounters, or feelings for you. You can make it do what it does in the safety of wherever you choose to love yourself without any concerns unless you’re so loud, you startle people nearby. Plus, why wait for someone else to love on you? Who honestly wants to walk around super horny without having any relief? Nobody!!! That’s why it’s valuable to learn the art of masturbation.
Initially, masturbation seemed to be corny …
something for losers to do.
It seemed like one has sex with self because pleasure isn’t provided elsewhere but that’s so backward. It’s important to learn how to please oneself in general in order to feel a sense of gratitude and so that when and if someone worthy of pleasing you comes along, you can teach that person what it takes to make your body quake ;).
There are many ways you can achieve self-pleasure. It can be done with the use of your own body parts and/ or with toys. Try exploring your body with your hands. Feel its lumps and curves. Do you enjoy the feel of your hands caressing your body parts? Try this exploration in a mirror. See what it is that a partner may see… your facial reactions, breasts/pecks, stomach (especially when it tightens from excitement), legs, and the curling of your toes. Flash your private areas in the mirror. Do you like what you see, feel, or smell? Is arousal heightened when witnessing yourself in an excited state? Turn on some music or perhaps hear yourself create your own as you allow the audio to entice you.
There are several websites and stores that sell negligee and sex toys for your kinky pleasure. You can start with something as simple as a thong or something as fun as a naughty bunny costume. You can tease your private areas with something as tiny as a bullet (a tiny yet mighty vibrator) or something as bold as a rabbit (a dildo vibrator with an attachment that stimulates the clitoris). Use these items to introduce yourself to your sexy side. Witness how good you look in your silky apparel. Feel your body go from feeling decent to you feeling the neighbors may know your name, and the windows may have to be cracked because the toys did their job plus more. Feeling alone? There’s no harm in inviting a bit of pornography to your tv or mobile screen. Allow the visuals and/or the audio of someone else’s excitement to boost your thrill. Feeling a bit kinkier than that? Explore sex parties (Truth Carpet Season 1 Episode 16 “Shawty Swing My Way”).
You don’t have to touch or be touched by others if you don’t want to, but perhaps the thrill of witnessing others explore one another may be a thrill you’ve been seeking. Some people gain pleasure from penetration, whether vaginal or anal.
Others may reach orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Some people need oral sex to get one-off. Others may go wild for foreplay (ie. gentle kisses on the body, dry humping (could be a pillow or the edge of your bed if you’re solo or watching porn). The beauty of masturbation is that there are no rules. You can do whatever it is that pleases you. Besides, you’re in it to satisfy yourself, there is no one there who can feel disappointed, and you can roll over and get a good night’s rest without worrying someone may ghost you, be cheating on you, or that you should make a doctor’s appointment just in case.